can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
