At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
