I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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