Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
