How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
