Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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