worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
