i permit you to call me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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