no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
