Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
420 ftw
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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