if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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