worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
