I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
