Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
