so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
