apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
