we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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