Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
