alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
