are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
