I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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