Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
