They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
