I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
