There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
