i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
