did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
