My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
