ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
