just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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