Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
