We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
