end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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