it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You ate ashes out of my bong
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
