Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
