he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
