My cat gives me a boner
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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