you traded sex for a burrito?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm passing your future prison.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Im part way to drunk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
