nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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