TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
