I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
