You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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