Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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