champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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