how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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