Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
