This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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