nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
