The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
