i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
