We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
