HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
